New Year's Eve. St. Patrick's Day. Cinco de Mayo. The drinking holidays. Days when the bars are packed, and amateur drinkers are out in full force. These novice bar-goers make the weekend warriors look like angels.

Most people think holidays like Cinco de Mayo are a goldmine for bars. In reality, ask any bartender, and they'll tell you the same thing: drinking holidays bring out the absolute worst in customers. Something about the theme of a day like Cinco de Mayo turns it up a notch.

Cue the white suburban mom saying "Gracias" after every order with a look on her face like she thinks she's Mitch Hedberg. Now multiply that energy by 100. 

The Rookie Drinker Playbook on Cinco de Mayo

Here are some of the things you're sure to see and hear from the rookie drinking crowd at the bars tonight.

🍹 "I'll take a frozen margarita" (not a blender in sight)

🍹 "What flavor margaritas do you have?" (you're at a dive bar)

🍹 "Can you make it skinny?"

🍹 "Can you make mine strong?"

🍹 "What tequilas do you have?" (in front of a wall with five shelves of tequila)

🍹 The group of 10 that wants 10 separate tabs while the bar is three deep

🍹 "What do you guys want?" to the group of friends after aggressively waving you down to order

🍹 The customers who insist they already paid

🍹 The customer who was buying rounds for everyone but spills over their receipt in shock at how much it is and asks, "What's this drink?" before finally paying

🍹 "I'll get you on the next one"

🍹 "What are your specials?"

🍹 The customer asking for Casamigos (or any other popular call) and then talking to you like he's a tequila connoisseur

🍹 "Can I get less ice?"

🍹 The customer who orders waters for everyone

🍹 "What has the most alcohol?"

🍹 "What Mexican beers do you have?" (while staring at a beer list)

 The Customer’s Wrong Apparel Has Arrived

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Cinco de Mayo Discount: Get 20% OFF ALL MERCH by using promo code MARGS at checkout. Good through tomorrow.