When Bar Regular Entitlement Turns Into Harassment

A Female Bartender Talking to a Customer photo by cottonbro studio

Male bar customers have a special kind of entitlement when they are talking to female bartenders. One way that entitlement manifests is via comments on the bartender's physical appearance.

Here's an anecdote that one of my female colleagues recently shared with me.

When “Opinions” Turn Into Control

I've always dyed my hair different colors, but I do tend to keep one color for a decent amount of time. When I started bartending here, my hair was a deep, dark purple and I kept that style for about a year after getting hired. One of our day regulars (let's call him Steve) was always pretty flirty with me, but he never commented on my hair color more than anyone else (most people have at least a few things to say about your hair when it's dyed a unique color).

When I decided to switch my color, I chose a pretty bright green. Again this wasn't too crazy for me, but people are always taken a bit aback when you dramatically change your hair color. "Steve" absolutely HATED it, and he let me know right away. The first day or two, his comments didn't bother me. Like I said, most people—especially bar patrons—give their unsolicited opinion when you change your style, but the comments usually subside after a couple of days.

Not "Steve".

When “Feedback” Becomes Repeated Boundary Crossing

He made sure to tell me that he didn't like my hair color every. single. day. To the point that it was getting uncomfortable. Every day that I clocked in for my shift, "Steve" told me he would pay for me to "see a professional" to dye it back to purple. It was getting creepy, to the point that thinking back on his flirtations before that it was some specific fetish thing.

After this went on for a couple of weeks, one day I got to work, and he had his Instagram open to show me which girl he could take me to who could dye my hair back and pointed out "how good her clients look" on her Instagram. As if I don't have someone who dyes my fuckikng hair already.

I finally had to start being rude to him about it, and he slowly started showing up less and less to shifts that I was working.

All over dying my fucking hair.